Deployment reality

So I have known for quit sometime that Richard will be deploying early next year, I think I have dealt with this very well, for someone whose husband is going to be sent around the world to a dangerous war zone for over a year.
A couple weeks ago while I was in American training he was doing Devils Academy which was basically combat life saving, he has been through this before when he went to Desert Storm, but that was awhile ago so I was glad he was required to do it again, they did things like give and receive IVs, trauma injury treatments etc. he is very good at improvising, for example at one point he did not have time to wait for someone to get him tourniquet so he used his belt, it is helpful for me to know he has the ability to think fast and make quick decisions no matter what is going on around him.
This week they received their weapons and have been out on the range and right now my dining room is full of body armor. He had me try to pick up his vest after he had put it all together and it is just amazing how heavy it is, bless him for being able to wear all that and still hike the hot sandy hills of Afghanistan or Iraq.
Anyway as we were putting his stuff together last night he made a couple comments and I finally had to tell him, maybe it is better if I don't know everything, yes I know he is going to war and believe me I know how dangerous it is, so perhaps really thinking about the size of bullets his body armor will or won't stop is to much for me. He said to me you know my job is dangerous, we have talked about this and made the decisons that lead to this deployment together, and this is true I do know this and we did decide together, I also know it is a voluntary military no one makes him do this he does it because he loves and believes in what he does, I knew full well when we decided he would not retire this year that it would mean he would deploy and I am as proud as I can be of him for not only being willing to go but also wanting to go, I know he is very well trained and I know in my heart he will come home to me, but knowing all that and the reality that everyday his leaving gets closer are two different things, I don't like it when I go to bed and he is not there because he is working on some project downstairs, this will be a year of sleeping alone, and I depend on him so much for so many things that I will have to take care of myself, it is a scary thought.
I am lucky I have a wonderful family and friends who are so supportive and who I know will be there with me.
Most days I simply do not let myself think about how quick this deployment is coming, I figure I will think about that tomorrow, but there are moments when I can't help but think about it, they don;t last long I can usually push the thoughts away and think of something else, but somewhere in my mind the count down has begun.